How to say goodbye to a loved one

Saying goodbye to a loved one is a painful process that can be scary, but the truth is that after the ritual, you may notice well-being, rest and a feeling of lightness. It is necessary to close the cycle, to let go, because not accepting can prolong our suffering.

It is an intimate and personal act, there is not a single or correct way to do it. It can be verbal or written. Below is a guide – a ritual – to say goodbye to a loved one who has already left or we can’t communicate with them. But, know that you can be creative when establishing a connection with your loved one.

Find a place without distractions and where you can have privacy. Take your time to prepare the space, prepare paper, pencil, tissues, you can play music or light a candle, have a photo of that person…

1. Express emotions

Take some deep, slow breaths, put your hand on your chest and try to connect with yourself and start writing…You can also talk to them, imagining that the person can listen and even respond to you.

If you don’t know where to start, you can share memories, and tell them how much you love and miss them.

With this ritual, we are going to get all the mixed emotions out of our chest and accept our feelings. It is normal to feel sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, and other complex feelings at this time. 

Allow yourself to feel those emotions in your chest, throat, in your physical body. You can give them a colour and let them go with slow exhalations.

Don’t be afraid to express yourself – good and bad, you may have negative feelings if they hurt you, or you may want to ask for forgiveness if you think you could have done something differently. Don’t blame yourself for not doing more or for not being perfect.

2. Connection

Pause and breathe. Put your hand on your chest and try to connect to receive answers from that person. The answers are often very clear, as if that person could communicate directly to our hearts.

Take advantage of those moments of connection to go deeper and express all emotions, crying can be normal, especially in this part of the ritual.

If the sensations are very strong or overwhelming, you can do butterfly tapping (cross your arms over your chest and intermittently tap your hands on your arms).

3. Accept death and say goodbye

Life could not exist without death. Try to accept that death is a natural part of life that you cannot control and, although it hurts, it is the only event that all human beings have for certain in our existence.

Tell them that you accept that they are gone, say goodbye and tell them that you will always love them.

Promise them that you will honour their teachings, that you will remember the good times with joy and that you will take care of yourself like they always wanted you to do.

If you wrote a letter, when you finish, as a symbolic act of farewell, you can tear it into small pieces and release it to the earth.

Hypnotherapy can help us to connect with our personal strength to face life more positively and avoid unnecessarily suffering. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) helps identify negative thoughts and beliefs when mourning, replacing them with more positive ones.